BIZARRE BRITISH NEWS

GEORDIE FERRY SERVICE IN SHELLSHOCK!

The Pride of The Tyne Ferry Service was brought to a halt when shellfish colonised the cooling system. The Mussel colonization blocked pipes and led to engines having to be shut down. The Ferry was out of action for 5 hours! According to a local Marine Biologist;

"they (common blue mussels) regularly colonise the insides of pipes, water cooling intake pipes and areas where they are not wanted"

There has been some local suggestion that the Mussels were making a protest against the rising costs of ferry travel. Little devils!

STUFF THE CRACKER! POLLY WANTS SOME PROZAC

Pet Prozac is on the increase as more and more British pets are being diagnosed with depression. Apparently, a wide range of pets can become depressed when owners leave them alone for hours on end, Parrots and other Tropical birds being the worst affected. Dogs and Cats are common sufferers too with as many as 632,000 suffering from depression in the UK. Prozac is only prescribed in extreme cases but has had good results. It's only a matter of time before Pet Psychiatrists get in on the act!

A ROYAL APOLOGY

Elishia Stevenson (6yrs), received a written apology from the Queen after being bitten by a Swan. Elishia was pecked on the finger in her local park and thought she'd better write to the Swan's owner to complain. Technically, the Crown owns all unmarked mute swans in open water (though this mainly applies to the Thames only). A guilty feeling Queen sent a written apology to little Elishia saying that she was;

"sorry to hear about the swan".

CHICKEN POX ALLEY

Council Houses in Bedminster have been left looking like a bad case of chicken pox after work carried out by Bristol City Council. Work was being done on the Marksbury road houses to replace the wall ties. The blotches are caused by the rendering of sand and cement put onto the properties after the outer skin is repaired. Usually of course, the wall would then be re-painted and the ugly blotches would be hidden under a fresh coat of paint. A mix-up in 'time management' meant workers didn't have time to repaint and the houses were left looking like poorly dalmations. The Housing Repairs Manager has apologised for the 'error' and promised;

"We will be painting those houses as soon as we can this year".

So that'll be 2012 then!

DUBAI CUSTOMS GONE MAD!

In the last few months, there have been 3 individuals jailed in Dubai, including DJ Grooverider and Endemol TV Producer Cat Le-Huy, for microscopic specks of Marijuana fond on their person or in their luggage. Cat Le-Huy was arrested last week after 0.01g (not visible to the naked eye) of cannabis was found in his luggage. Travellers to Dubai are advised to take extreme caution. There have even been reports of a Swiss man being jailed for 'possession' of three poppy seeds on his clothing after he'd eaten a bread roll!